RELATIONSHIPS
The Case of the Clingy Girlfriend: Is She a Red Flag?
She texts a lot.
She wants to see you as often as she can.
She’s overly affectionate and wishes you to act the same.
Is a clingy girlfriend a red flag?
For many, the answer is obviously a YES.
As hook-ups and situationships continue to dominate the dating landscape, many have become so used to being indifferent that they label such desires for closeness as toxic.
As I see it, society has gone too far toward one end of the spectrum.
Unhealthy attachments are always a no-no. However, every couple needs a healthy level of clinginess.
Take your time to evaluate both sides of the coin to see what her clinginess truly means.
Her Clinginess Can Be Good
Many have taken refuge in distant, non-committal relationships. Because of this, a girlfriend who actively wants affection and closeness is often frowned upon when, in fact, her honesty is helpful and healthy for a relationship.
A girlfriend who says she wants to spend more time together and learn more about her partner is suggesting that they should work together to fulfill the valid and fundamental need for intimacy in the relationship.
Moreover, what others might dismiss as a clingy girlfriend might be simply a passionate woman in love. She’s just being herself and honest about her needs. Try hearing her out and do your part in fulfilling them.
But Too Much is Another Story
Asking for affection and time is healthy to some extent. However, clinginess becomes harmful when jealousy, suspicions, and a desire for control manifest in your relationship.
If this is the case, it’s not clinginess anymore but attachment anxiety. Those who suffer from this may have trust issues caused by childhood wounds and past trauma.
If your girlfriend continues to leave these wounds unaddressed, her clinginess will take its toll on you, and it will only be a matter of time before things blow up.
Don’t wait for that to happen. Tell your girlfriend what you notice about her and hear her reason for her behavior. Be empathetic and try to understand her perspective.
Is it because of an unresolved problem between you? Or has it been a pattern in her other relationships?
If the former is true, strive to work things out to give her reassurance rather than anxiety.
However, if it’s long been her issue, encourage her to seek psychological help and find healing for her wounds.
A Clingy Girlfriend Isn’t Necessarily Bad
A relationship needs intimacy, and it falls on both partners to communicate the kind and amount they would love to give and receive.
Moreover, being in a relationship means showing your authentic selves, from your strengths and weaknesses to your needs and wants — everything.
This is why a clingy girlfriend isn’t necessarily toxic.
However, if her desire for closeness makes you feel anxious and suffocated, that’s another story.
Closeness should result in a deep bond and solid trust in each other, not doubts and disconnection.
If she can’t respect your needs and boundaries while she seeks to address her own, she’s unfortunately a red flag.
