Triangular Theory of Love: The 3 Essential Elements of Ideal Relationships
Do you know anybody with a picture-perfect relationship?
If you do, don’t be fooled. Of course, some relationships are formed with genuine affection between couples who have an authentic attraction toward each other.
Still, we all know that some couples on social media only post their highlight reels. But in reality, they struggle to save the relationship from falling apart.
Let me share with you a story from one of my close friends. Her name is Chloe.
Chloe was in a 2-year relationship with her boyfriend, Jake. They first met at a local bar and quickly transitioned from casual flings to officially dating. But she felt something important was missing — it was no other than love.
She explained that her feelings were unreciprocated, and she was the only one who expressed affection. She would always cook Jake’s dinner, buy him presents on special occasions, etc. At the same time, she was also balancing her love life while studying to become a lawyer.
But Jake, who’s a college dropout, became too busy looking for gigs with his band. Chloe noticed that he wouldn’t open the door for her, would barely reply to her texts, and he couldn’t even remember her birthday. Chloe became the “over giver,” yet her relationship needs were never met.
So, she decided to break up with Jake. As it turned out, he had been cheating and quickly replaced Chloe with another girl.
Chloe’s and Jake’s story shows that love is a two-way street. Both partners must compromise through each other’s imperfections and different life goals toward an ideal relationship.
Of course, there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship in reality because conflicts are inevitable. But if the couple doesn’t have mutual compatibility as evidenced by conflicting priorities and doesn’t argue healthily about their disagreements, then perhaps they aren’t meant to be.
Likewise, many couples struggle to stay with their partners because they don’t meet their expected standards. Still, some relationships have positive experiences and attain consummate or unconditional love.
Their secret recipe for a successful and fulfilling relationship has three universal ingredients with the help of the so-called “Triangular Theory of Love.”
What is the Triangular Theory of Love?
Dr. Robert Sternberg developed the triangular theory of love in his book “Love And Sex.” His book describes three points that make up a triangle, each representing a different aspect of love: intimacy, passion, and commitment.
- Intimacy deals with the closeness between two people in a relationship. It identifies the presence of a human connection that bonds a couple.
- Passion keeps a couple intact. Without passion, the romance will eventually fade away.
- Commitment uses trust as its foundational basis. If trust is not present between a couple, they cannot sustain fidelity to each other.
How does the triangle work?
Intimacy is the human connection of any relationship between family, friends, or lovers.
When it exists between two individuals, they feel comfortable sharing their innermost thoughts and feelings. Intimacy is also a triangular relationship between two people.
Each person contributes three things to the triangle: emotional, physical, and spiritual intimacy.
- Emotional — expressed through communication and affection.
- Physical — about sexual expression.
- Spiritual — about connecting spiritually with another person.
In an interpersonal relationship, intimacy creates a strong bond between both parties. It makes them want to continue spending time with each other. As the couple establishes intimate feelings, they develop trust and commitment, leading to a long-term relationship.
Commitment is the act of choosing someone over others.
Both parties must believe they’ve decided to be forever with the willingness to do whatever it takes to stay together. If either party feels they are being taken advantage of, they will no longer commit to the relationship.
After commitment, passion comes into play. It’s one of the most crucial components — fueling the intensity of love in a romantic relationship.
Passion is the feeling of wanting to be around someone else.
It is the desire to be with someone and make them happy. Without passion, the individual will lose interest in the relationship.
When we fall in love with passion, it represents our need for excitement and novelty. We feel alive about everything around us besides our partner.
We’re ready to try anything new such as traveling with them to a foreign country. With passionate love, a relationship can get wild and spontaneous.
How can you use the triangle to develop an ideal relationship?
Balance is key. Ensure that each side of the triangle is present.
Intimacy, commitment, and passion are necessary for true love between two people in an ideal relationship.
The relationship will likely fail if one side of the triangle is missing. These three elements are relative to a successful and ideal relationship.
For example, suppose your partner’s love language is a physical gesture. In that case, you can show intimacy by kissing their cheeks before going to work or cuddling with them on a rainy evening.
To show your commitment, talk with them about your goals. Include them in your plans, such as buying a house with them once you get married.
To achieve a passionate relationship, keep the sparks of love alive by doing new things for your partner. You may try to cook their favorite dish for the first time.
Of course, you must accept that relationships are flawed. So, finding balance using the three scales is critical despite changes or challenges. Try to understand each element to your advantage, and you can achieve your ideal relationship.
