RELATIONSHIPS & ADVICE
The Protective Boyfriend: A Closer Look
One of the most important things to consider when it comes to dating is relationship dynamics. For women, there’s a lot of factors to look into: Does her partner treat her as an equal? Is she often jealous of women her partner interacts with?
Is her partner a protective boyfriend or a controlling one?
When couples begin to look at the behaviors they exhibit within their relationship more closely, it becomes easier to understand each other as well as to figure out how to work on making their bond stronger.
While women are often stereotyped as being easily threatened by other women or too emotional to have rational discussions, men are usually seen as insensitive of their partners’ feelings as well as possessive to the point of suffocation.
The popular concept of a “Protective Boyfriend”, in particular, is one that causes a lot of debates regarding healthy relationship dynamics.
Is this image really something men should avoid following? Or is it another harmless idea that’s been unfairly associated with things that are completely different?
To Love Is to Protect
When you love someone, it’s only natural for you to want to take care of them.
Even though this is no longer an exclusive gender role, we can’t deny that society has made this an important responsibility for men. They are usually taught from childhood that they need to be strong in order to support and defend the women of their family. As such, this mindset affects relationship dynamics when it’s translated into the idea of a protective boyfriend.
He saves you when you’re in danger. He defends you from people who mean you harm. He carries your bag and drives you home.
These are only some of the expectations people have when they think of a boyfriend who protects his partner, and if people aren’t careful, they’re easily conflated with the image of another kind of boyfriend: one who controls.
Controlling vs. Protective
A controlling boyfriend forcibly stops you from doing things he thinks are dangerous, while a protective boyfriend tells you about the dangers and trusts you to make your own decisions.
A controlling boyfriend is always jealous of the men in your life, while a protective boyfriend is secure in his faith in you and your love.
A controlling boyfriend discourages you from having a life outside of your relationship, while a protective boyfriend only reminds you to be careful as you chase your dreams in life.
A controlling boyfriend likes it when you’re always weak and in need of his help, while a protective boyfriend believes in your strength and respects your ability to protect yourself.
Dealing with a Controlling Boyfriend
When you realize that what you have is a controlling boyfriend instead of a protective one, you need to do something about it. Absolute control over one’s partner doesn’t make for a healthy relationship.
One thing you can do is talk to them about their problematic behavior. Open communication is key to a great partnership, and it’s also possible your man just doesn’t have a firm grasp on the idea of a protective boyfriend.
Surrounding yourself with a strong support network is also a good way to handle being in a relationship with a controlling partner. Ask help from family members you trust, and connect with women who may have had a similar experience. If you have a solid source of support, your boyfriend can’t isolate you and leave you with no one else to turn to for help.
And if you’ve done everything to make him see reason but none of it makes him change his ways, then perhaps by then you’ll realize that staying in the relationship is no longer what’s best for you.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting or being a protective boyfriend, but if the relationship dynamics start to confuse love with possession, neither man nor woman will end up happy in the long run.
