Here’s Why Your Online Dating Profile Hasn’t Worked Out for You
You were so optimistic when you signed up for that dating app/website. You thought online dating would be the solution to all of your lack of a relationship. You probably spent hours drafting your bio and choosing your photos. Then you started browsing or swiping, hoping to find a match.
Then nothing. You wait and wait and wait, but it’s crickets. Eventually, you get one or two matches, but they go nowhere. The people you’ve matched with aren’t your type or you exchanged a few messages but nothing came of it and you never heard from her again.
So, what gives? Why aren’t you reeling any catches?
Perhaps the first reason is that you had unrealistic expectations going into it. You convinced yourself that you’d find your soulmate instantly, that they’d be the first person you match with and you could live happily ever.
Or maybe you messed up and created a dating profile that waved a few red flags, just because you didn’t know any better.
Here are some red flags that you might be putting out and, in effect, hindering your dating process:
Writing the Wrong Things on Your Profile:
You put “I’m not looking for someone who takes themself too seriously.”
A seemingly innocent phrase. But unfortunately, one of the dangers of online dating is that you’re putting yourself in the public eye and whatever you say can be interpreted — or misinterpreted — in any number of ways.
So what you actually mean is that you want someone who’s easy to be around and laid back. You don’t want any drama so you don’t want someone who’s going to bring some into your life.
But anyone can read that and think you’re going to say or do something offensive and you want to be with someone who won’t be offended or if they are, won’t make a big deal out of it.
People aren’t going to swipe on you if they see the second meaning and with a lot of people, particularly women who date men, being vigilant on dating apps, you’d best be served to omit this phrase entirely.
Speaking of, there’s actually a number of phrases that you should avoid on your dating profile because they are neon signs warning women to stay away from you:
- Another example of a phrase you don’t want anywhere near your profile is no drama because, most of the time, people who say they don’t want drama are the ones who bring drama into a relationship.
- Yet another phrase you should avoid is if it matters or some variation thereof. Usually, guys put the phrase after stating their height. But here’s the thing; it comes across as self-pitying. Self-pity is already a turn-off in a non-romantic context, and it’s even more pathetic on a dating app/site.
- Here’s one more phrase that shouldn’t be in your profile; just ask. By itself, the phrase may seem innocuous enough. But here’s the thing; a person shouldn’t have to ask about basic things, not on a dating app. That’s the point of a bio. If your bio withholds information like how old you are, what you like to do, what you do for a living — things that should be on there — and instead compels people to ask you, you’re going to get passed over.
- Okay, here’s one last phrase that shouldn’t be anywhere near your dating profile; school of like/hard knocks. You might think that it comes across as a funny joke, but instead, it comes across as an attempt at a funny joke and not a particularly good one.
But you know what’s really a red flag when it comes to a bio?
Nothing.
An empty bio is as red a flag as they come. Why? Because it doesn’t say anything. What exactly is supposed to entice a woman to match with you? And if she does match with you, what are you going to talk about? You’ve said nothing, so she knows nothing.
But that could also indicate that you don’t really want to put in the effort to make yourself attractive, so why should anyone bother?
Picture Imperfect
Now, your bio can say a lot about you, but there are character limits so you probably won’t be able to say more than a hundred words or so. But you know what is worth a thousand words? A picture.
But some pictures aren’t going to attract a lot of matches.
- If you like to fish, then maybe don’t add a photo of you holding a fish. Here’s the thing: you’re encouraged to put your hobbies on your profile. That’s going to help you find like-minded people.
The problem is that a photo of a man holding a fish is a common enough profile photo that it’s become something of a cliché and even a target of mockery on social media. So, even if you do love to fish, avoid the picture of you holding up a fish. It’s not the reddest of flags, but it’s still not something you want on a profile.
- Another red flag when it comes to your photos is only having one. That’s going to signal that you’re on the app to try and catfish someone. That, or you don’t know how to use your phone/tablet/laptop and can’t add more photos. The latter is worse than the former, but neither is exactly going to make a woman swoon.
- So, pictures with your ex may not be immediate red flags, but they’re definitely going to give a woman pause. She may start wondering why you’re uploading pictures of you and your ex, even when the ex is cropped out. Your thought process could just be that you look good in the photo, but her thought process may be that you’re not over your ex yet.
Foot in Mouth
But it’s not just your profile that can be a red flag. Say your profile is perfect and there’s nothing wrong. You get a match. And you open with hey. Do you know what that opener is? It’s boring. What’s a woman supposed to do with that? Say hey back? Sure, but where does the conversation go from there?
Another opener that’s going to get you (deservedly) ghosted is being too forward. Maybe you ask a sexual question as a way to start the conversation. Maybe you divulge your own past. Either way, you tried to move too fast and you crashed and burned.
Online dating is not an exact science, but there’s generally some consensus as to what works and what doesn’t. So people know that what doesn’t work is being belligerent, forward, self-pitying and mysterious in a non-sexy way.
