RELATIONSHIPS
How to Build Emotional Intimacy: 5 Practices for Couples
Intimacy is beyond skin-deep.
Physical touch nurtures your connection as a couple. But it isn’t the only relationship foundation that you need. More than that, you need emotional intimacy.
When you let each other enter your worlds, you form a profound mutual understanding. You know them, and they know you more than anyone else does. In turn, you feel loved and seen in the relationship.
Many couples, however, make the mistake of thinking that emotional intimacy comes naturally. However, it takes time and effort to develop. And often, learning how to build emotional intimacy does not come easy, as you each have your differences.
However, you can slowly but surely try out the following ways to strengthen such a foundation in your relationship.
1. Listen without judgment
Listening sounds easy. You already do that when conversing with others; how much more so when it’s towards your partner, right?
However, people rarely purely listen. We tend to form conclusions before others can finish their sentences or mentally list their errors to quickly prove them wrong, turning a conversation into a dual monologue.
Avoid such communication with your partner by practicing listening without judgment. Withstand the urge to cut them mid-sentence and allow some silence before responding. Also, ask for clarification instead of quickly turning the conversation to your story. This respectful attentiveness will make your partner feel valued and heard.
2. Be precise with your appreciation
Saying “thank you” is quite common. We often utter it mindlessly, like a mandatory remark. However, genuine gratitude is what makes a person feel loved.
Make your “thanks” more authentic by being precise with what you are thankful for. For instance, when your partner makes you a home-cooked meal, you could say, “Thank you for cooking for us. It takes away the stress at the end of my day, knowing I can have a hot meal without having to endure the preparation that goes into it.”
3. Genuinely care about your partner’s problems
Be attentive to hints that show your partner is having a bad day. Ask them how they are or why they look sad.
When they share their problem with you, show that you genuinely care by empathizing and asking follow-up questions.
You can say something like, “Oh, that’s terrible. Why did that happen?” or “What can I do for you?”
Being concerned with their concerns shows that you genuinely care, informing them that they can rely on you during tough times.
4. Establish relationship traditions
Learning how to build emotional intimacy mainly relies on being regularly connected.
While communication plays a part, you can also do so through more tangible means, such as establishing relationship traditions. These will be the building blocks of your relationship, holding you together in the long run.
Set a routine, such as weekly date nights, walks after work, or phone calls before bed. Keep your traditions simple enough to ensure meaningful quality time together.
5. Put your guard down
Be vulnerable. Let your partner see who you are, even the weak and rough sides of you that are hard to love. Share your joys, fears, and dreams. Speak out your opinions, even those they’ll disagree with.
Doing so might be scary and intimidating, but the deeper you let your partner into your heart, the deeper your emotional connection will be.
Emotional Intimacy is a Mutual Commitment
Knowing how to build emotional intimacy isn’t rocket science. Often, it’s just a matter of simply being there with your partner, but with greater attentiveness and intentionality.
Practice these ways to help you do just that. Moreover, support each other in your efforts, as intimacy isn’t a personal project but a mutual commitment.
