RELATIONSHIP ADVICE
How to Be a Better Listener and Improve Your Relationship
Do you often argue with your partner? Do you have a difficult time arriving at a mutual decision? Or perhaps you don’t feel as close to each other as you would like to?
If so, you might want to find a way to lessen your conflicts and improve your relationship. But how?
Many couples think they should convince their partner to agree with their opinion or do something grand to change the winds in the relationship. However, it’s not about winning the argument or making a one-time gesture.
Often, it’s a matter of returning to the basics of communication and strengthening your connection.
One of these fundamental aspects is listening. Many of us think we’ve got this skill all figured out. After all, it’s a simple concept. But I guess that’s why many take it for granted and eventually fail.
The truth is that listening is an art that we all need to learn continuously. When you’re willing to learn how to be a better listener, you avoid many pitfalls that create division and indifference. You’ll also become a better partner and have a more fulfilling relationship.
Here are some tips to refresh and develop your listening skills.
1. Pay complete attention
When your partner is relaying a message, they express it not only through their words but also through facial expressions and body language.
Give them your full attention, not just by listening to what they say but also by observing their nonverbal cues.
Also, show them that you care through your gestures. Maintain eye contact and avoid using your phone while they’re talking. Lean forward and nod now and then to show you’re engaged in the conversation.
2. Strive to learn
Knowing how to be a better listener isn’t all about learning to keep quiet; it’s about understanding more about the other person and where their perspective stems from.
With this objective, you’re more disposed to receive your partner’s words without judgment.
Also, don’t listen to fix the problem. Sharing nurtures intimacy, not efficiency. You might need solutions later, but first, receive their message.
3. Ask away
One way to listen effectively is to ask questions instead of concluding.
If there are vague aspects to their story, seek clarification. If you’re invested in their concern, ask follow-up questions. Here are some examples:
- How did you feel about what happened?
- What does that action or event mean to you?
- Why did you think that way?
- What would help you feel better?
4. Empathize and validate
Empathy and validation are two of the most essential skills for learning how to be a better listener.
When you empathize, you try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes, see things from their perspective, and understand why they thought or felt the way they did. This helps the other person feel more accepted and cared for.
Meanwhile, validating their feelings and concerns shows that you support them. So, whenever they pour their heart out to you, respond by saying things like, “I’m sorry that happened,” “That must have been tough,” or “I can understand why that hurt you.”
Back to Basics
Listening is such an ordinary gesture that we sometimes forget all the difference it makes in making us feel loved.
That said, go back to your basics in communication. Improve your listening skills, and you’ll surely reap the fruits of a happier relationship.
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